Is it pathetic when monkeys more dexterous than you?

It's done, over, finite! My asskicking class at the gym that is, which is kind of sad (and yet all of my muscles are doing the happy dance, which kind of means I look like an epileptic on crack, but whatever). Our last torture was to run 3 miles with stadiums... but we had to do so at 5:30 in the morning because A.) it's fucking hot by 7 am and B.) it's kind of my fault because I had to be to work by 7 but also another lady who has kids (ew) had to be home by 6:30 so bascially I'm going to blame it on her because I can be late to work but it's not like her kids can watch themselves, or could they? Hell so long as you lock up the draino and the sharp objects, they should be ok. Anyways, because it was so damn early the sun was still coming up it was actually really pretty, but still tainted because of the ungodly hour.

Last night I went to Lush with Denise (which is a wine bar, that also serves beer, but they have a shit ton-o-wine) and we ended up seeing some people she knew there, which was cool, but probaby one of the most hilarious things that has ever happened occurred when we're talking to 2 dudes and we're discussing tattoo's and she says no one really sees any but 1 of hers and I said that wasn't true because I see her peace sign all the time (it's on her hip, pervs...) and he asks at me and sort of gestures like this, "Are you guys...." and you can see his wheels churning on how to ask an awkward question without looking like a total douche, so I go "Are we what?" And he's all "Um, are you guys.................................... like sisters or roommates or something?" And so then I go, "No, why would you think that?" (or something like that, I'm trying to recall a conversation here folks, accuracy is not guaranteed) and he's all "Because you said you see her tattoo all the time.." and by this point you can tell he kind of might want the floor to swallow him because I've officially forced him to expose this awkward line of questioning and finally I just say "We're not gay." and he's all "Oh, ok" and nods and Denise just says "We're friends!" (Because she's super cute like that, in a non-gay way of course) and frankly I just found the situation so freaking hilarious because WHAT THE HELL?

In other news, my lovely little four-legged furry son decided to shank the shit out of my ankle the other night/morning. I think he was a little peeved that I left him at home all night while I went to see HP at midnight and decided at 3 am when I'm stumbling around my apartment trying to find my bed to pass out on that he would show my bare ankle just how irritated he was. Asshole.

There must be an international "most ungraceful and uncoordinated person" award out there and if so, I'm the champ. Need proof? Here is a slight list of how I've tried to maim myself in the past week or so.

1. Hit myself in the face with the handles on one of those hand baskets like at the grocery store, only this was at Staples and thank god I still had my sunglasses on because that would have been unpleasant.

2. Smashed my own leg in my OWN car door trying to close it.

3. Shortly after the smashing incident I tripped on the tiny stair up to Megan and Denise's front door.

4. I got shanked by a cat (ok technically that's not my own doing, but it warrant's a bit of talent).

5. On one of the machines at the gym I pulled the metal handle down and managed to punch myself in the eye with it (but sadly no black eye, so I didn't even get a war wound from that one)

Now if that doesn't make you feel good about yourself, I don't know what will.


Denise said...

That was so funny when he was all, "Are you guys...umm....you know....like.....you know...." HAhahahaha and you're like, "We're not gay!" HAHAHAHAHA Oh my god. I almost peed myself.

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