if i could punch it in the nads i would

I'm trying a new phenomenon known as "getting your ass up early and to the gym". This is NO easy task mind you. I? am not a morning person. I much prefer to turn all electronic devices to mortuary silence and sleep in my comfortable bed until I finally decide to stumble like a cave woman to the shower to start my day.

So when my alarm now sounds at 5:10 in the morning I have to resist the urge to chuck it across the room and watch it splatter...mostly because I'd have just busted my iphone and then I would have to weep. I'm on a hot streak though! I've managed 3 days in a row. Yup, 3. Not 33, or 333, just 3. But hey, it's a start. So far I'm liking this concept, so long as I can stick to the routine.

In other news there is a new trend rocking my generation that needs. to. die. And this is the trend of using "epic" to describe every stinking emotion, action, ordeal, discovery, exclamation, proclamation, disgruntlement and disappoinment.

It should not be used to describe a new Mikey Mouse Wii game.

Nor should it be used so haphazardly in car and travel commericals.

I don't want to hear it on the radio.

Or see it on your facebook.

I refer you to this little blog/web page posting on the topic, as this person does a far superior job of shedding light on the declining literary skills of my generation "Not Everything is Epic, Shitheads".

Of course, the one liberal use of epic that is reasonable if used in moderation is the epic fail. However, I'll let these guys be the judges of that concept.

Time to party like it's 1999, bust out the Nirvana and the baggy shirts...wait...

Wow.

It's now 2011, I last blogged about Thanksgiving. I officially suck. Now people might say "Why don't you resolve to write more?" Meh. I don't make resolutions because then they just get broken and it's one more thing I've failed at, so rather than making myself feel increasingly inadequate I resolve not to resolve.

December was one ca-razy month. It flew by and that makes me both happy and sad. The last few weeks of schools were a torrent of research paper writing, final studying and taking all whilst decorating for Christmas and enjoying the season. But... now I'm an official college graduate, hooray! Christmas was wonderful, double hooray! and.... well, I don't have a third hooray, but it feels weird with just two. Alas, Christmas is over though and I wept a little as I took down my Christmas tree and packed up all my lovely decorations. So sad. What's even worse is that the holiday spirit, that season of giving and love and appreciation of family will peter off across the globe now that it's not in every one's faces and that breaks my heart a little.

What's up for 2011? I have no fucking clue. Thus far it has included the purchase of a new TV, wooohooo! Goodbye 19", you treated me well but frankly, you're just no fun particularly in the event of a wii mario kart party because 4 screens on an already tiny screen just does NOT cut it. So yes, I made another "adult" purchase and bought a fancy new flat screen. It's fairly large, but in reality it's nothing super fancy; however, to me it feels like a damn movie screen. When I bought it I was so excited, I got it home, I ripped open the package, grabbed my screw driver... wait, I don't have a phillips head? shit. This tiny one will totally work... or not. I grabbed my keys, flew to the store, bought a new screwdriver, came home and put the base together, put the TV on it, set it on the table that would become it's new home and VIOLA! Right? No. Because, while it was glorious, I now had a TV double the size of my previous one which meant I had to rearrange the entire living room. No problem, I can totally do that, right? Right. Four or five hours later (it's all lost in a haze of huffing, sweating, cursing, maiming myself and dropping things on my feet) all was reorganized but now! came the re-hooking everything back up to the new TV. Which proved incredibly complicated thanks to the rearranging because I now needed longer cords. AWESOME.

Day two: cords purchased, rush home after work to fix everything. Hook up the satellite...not working in one room. Curse, work on for an hour, SUCCESS! Hook up the surround sound, shit, wrong cords. Rush to the store, buy correct cord, rush home, hook up surround sound and...SUCCESS! Me. Wiring. Goddess. So, two days and several trips to the store later, I am now the proud owner of a properly connected new TV.

Ok, so 2011, maybe not so different yet from 2010, minus the fact that I gained 15 pounds during my last semester (freshman 15? try fifth year senior 15!) and am now determined to spend every waking moment at the gym. Well...let's be frank, at least 5 days because in all reality it'll be hard enough to stick to that. Completely ridiculous though. It's easy to deny your pants getting snug, "I'm just retaining water!" "Oh, I had a big lunch" "Maybe I'm PMS'ing!"... but stepping on the scale at the doctor's office, woah, wake up call.

What really chaps my ass though is all those people who resolve to work out, get in shape, lose weight! at the beginning of the year, so they flock to the gym, leave workout equipment everywhere and don't wipe down their machines because they don't know proper gym etiquette. They clog up the treadmills and hog the mats and machines so those of us who do go all year round are stuck going at odd times to try and avoid them. You people? While I applaud your initial effort to get in shape because starting is the first and hardest step... GET OUT OF MY WAY. Oi. And that, my friends, is what we call bringing a post full circle.

Enough of my gibberish, perhaps that's why I should blog more but again, let's be honest, I'm kind of a wanker who would forget to put pants on before leaving the house if it wasn't so blasted cold outside.

Watch out, I hear 2011 will bring the zombie kitty apocalypse.

Aren't pimps supposed to get paid? I think I'm being ripped off here.

Everyone and their mom (including mine actually!) has been asking me what I plan to do after my 2-years-late-final-graduation accomplishment. My standard reply is "Graduate School" to which of course people want to know where and don't seem satisfied when I answer "Anywhere that I get in." Apparently that's poor future planning.

So, to quelch all these questions at once, this has been my graduate school process so far. Of course, for these activities you must picture me as stressed, over caffienated and slightly crazed from lack of sleep.


1. Take horrible tests that make you feel dumb.
2. Repeat tests because you suck.
3. Decide on schools to apply to.
4. Change your mind.
5. Realize no one at these schools has research in your field.
6. Change schools again.
7. Email a couple professors and realize that you want to change your schools again.
8. Curse yourself.
9. Spend hours reading faculty profiles on websites.
10. Finally locate a sparse few crumbs of hope that someone will take on your research.
11. Pimp yourself out with hundreds of emails to more universities than imaginable.
12. Have a panic attack everytime your email notifier goes off.
13. Get depressed when it's an email from Borders and not a professor.
14. Get depressed when it IS from a professor because you feel the sting of rejection as they say no.
15. Wait.

That about sums it all up. I have sent out almost 20 emails to 20 professors hoping that at least one of them will be willing to take on someone like me (aka: with little research or exotic experience but a lot of gumption!). And to save you from asking "What universities?" Here they are in no particular order (read: the first two I would shat myself if they let me in):

1. CSU Humboldt
2. Texas A&M
3. Washington State
4. Mississippi State
5. Montana State
6. UC Davis
7. University of Tennessee
8. University of Wisconsin-Madison

Yes, I realize most of them are in places where it gets unbelievably cold or snowy or humid and that sucks, but I'll go where the research is available. I also realize they're all far away from California except for 3, which sucks, considering come this spring I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE! (Pretty much the most exciting news of my life) Which means I'll be far away from my little Bean, which is sad and guilt riddling but I have to do what I have to do and I'm a damn good care package sender :) Thank god for skype!

In other news, do you remember that half-marathon at Disney Land that I was torturing myself with? Well here's a photo to prove I actually DID finish it.

Kind of amazing.
Now, excuse me while I go continue to over caffinate so that I can be even jumpier when my email dings at me.

The day between manic monday and humpday.

Let's just say it's official: I'm retarded.

I've done so many boneheaded things lately it's ridiculous. Yesterday in the library Starbucks I dropped my book and went "Oops!" and when I bent down to get it I whacked my head on the window and yelped an "Owie!". I clearly felt like being a noisy customer.

I desperately need to go grocery shopping but I'm just so damn lazy lately since payday that I haven't gone. So last night was "anything but the kitchen sink night" for dinner. Which equaled me banging around in my cupboards until I found something to eat. The end result? I had some corn and some crackers and garlic/sourcream dip. Dinner of champs y'all! :) Tonight I have to stop by the store and at least grab something though because that was all I had, that's it, no more. So if not, it's going to be just crackers or a tuna sandwhich for dinner.

Speaking of lazy, I've been such a slacker about going to the gym and running that my belly fat is getting arrogant. It smirks and waves at me even when I'm not in motion just because it knows I'm too tired to do anything about it. Unlike my sister, who is showing me up hardcore at the gym. If only I had her dedication, then I could turn that belly frown upside down.... or something like that. It's going to be hard to force myself to go to spinning tonight, but I'll do it dammit.

I'm researching a new camera, a fancy jazz one, so if I get it prepare to see lots of photos of random shit that is either intersting or weird. On that note, ciao!

Hump day is never as exciting as the name implies.

Pain. Immense pain is what I'm in. Why? Because I agreed to train for this damn half marathon, THAT'S why! Not that my ass didn't need to get back in the gym. After about an 8 week hiatus during the most hectic semester of my life, I needed it... bad. But now I realize how out of shape I got in those 8 weeks, like seriously? Who knew. I feel like a banana that's been placed in a refrigerator and miraculously becomes bruised and nasty even though no one physically man-handled it.



The sister and I went to see Daybreakers , sans the brother because he's a giant wussy. I've been over at their place a shit load lately for no particular reason, and it's been pretty great! Love hanging out with those two, and getting yummy yummy free meals :) And they like my Wii, so it's a win win situation for all parties involved!

I just got back from a little vacay up to Tacoma to hangout with my favorite lady, Katie. We went to Seattle, which was awesome, and then took a drive in the North of the state through Olympic National Park and on over to Forks. Yup, Forks. Sadly? The town is kind of bunk, but they're all over the Twilight bandwagon there, and at least we can say we went there :) We took Butch with us, he was way excited. We also jetted on over to La Push, which was a beautiful beach covered in drift wood and had gorgeous cliffs all around. Pictures of this trip will follow soon. It was great spending time with Katie and just getting to veg out inbetween our adventures. I was introduced to the amazingness that is Weeds. Seriously, check it out if you're up for completely inappropriate shows, because it's awesome.

On Friday night we saw this really great band called Perry Acker at a little bar. A few rum and cokes later, life was sweet. I might have consumed my weight in red vines for the 4 days I was in Washington, but I'm totally looking forward to repeating it in May. What I won't look forward to repeating is coming home to my cat. Wait, let me rephrase, I will look forward to coming home because he's so sweet and wants massive lovings when I get home which is great, but I won't look forward to looking in the kitchen again and seeing little shitty kitty paw prints and looking further to discover he was not feeling well while I was gone and didn't make it to his box one time... So cleaning up cat shit for 20 minutes when I just got home from flying/driving for most of the day? No bueno.

Tomorrow begins another semester, barf. Which should be 1 of the 2 remaining semesters of my undergraduate career. Thankthefuckinglordforthat! I'm ready to be on to the next chapter of my life in so many ways it's ridiculous. RIDICULOUS.

Photos to come soon. If not, then I either 1.) Died in spin class tonight or 2.) drowned in a puddle.

A lesson in curtesy that I should have taught someone but thanks to hunger, they were saved.

Ok, here's the deal folks, when I get out of the gym after doing 4 miles on the treadmill and then a kick ass yoga class, I want to be able to run to my car (ok limp) and get in as quickly as possible because it's A.) cold and B.) I'm stinking STARVING. So I get to my car and some ass hat with a giant truck has parked in their spot AND in mine. No joke, I could not get in my car, and frankly, I think I might have barely have been able to squeeze my chubby ass between the two. So I had to climb in through my passenger door and crawl across to my seat THEN I had to fold in my sideview mirror to make sure I didn't hit their car because I'm nice like that.

Needless to say, I was pretty much cheesed and later realized, as my sister pointed out, I should have gone into the gym and made them page the owner to move it but meh, it was too fecking cold and I was ready to gnaw my arm off.

SO here's the memo folks, make sure you're in only your parking spot because next time, I won't be so nice!

Resolve this.

Another new year has come, and I'll admit I'm sad to see 2009 go. It was a damn good year! Here's to hoping this one will be almost as good, cause I'm not sure it can compete. I mean, c'mon, this time last year I was getting my shit together to go live in London for 4 months!! I don't know how that can be topped. Except getting accepted into grad school next fall would you know, make it pretty close (fingers crossed!). And today is my first day back to work after a 5 day weekend, which in all honestly, was pretty fucking amazing. 5 days. FIVE! By Friday I was thinking I had to go back to work and then I realized I still had 2 days of freedom in front of me. Amazing. I might have not gotten out of my PJ's yesterday and got sucked into a House marathon so therefore spent all day snuggling with Heimlich. Might.

This time of year everyone is making their "resolutions" which are really "Things I should have been doing all along but was a slacker and haven't done so now I'm going to resolve to do them this year! Even though I really know that in a couple weeks I'll get tired of keeping it up and quit again, resolving to try again next year." So I'm not making any stinking resolutions. I should resolve to start posting on here more like I used to, but why do that. I'll only end up feeling guilty and you'll only end up feeling neglected and empty inside when I don't, so I say we make each other happy and just accept that I'm a slacker who will try in a non-committal way to be less slacker-like.

In all honesty, I can't really think of anything I'd blog about in the past weeks since I last posted. Most of it would probably be depressing, and I'm not a fan of bringing y'all down. I am going to the PNW, Washington to be exact, next week to visit my dearest Katie and hopefully Nicole as well! It'll be good times and I'm definitely looking forward to it. I'll be going again in May for Brent's wedding, but I can't wait that long. Which means I'm again going to getting dirty looks from my cat when I open up the closet and pull out the suitcase. And when I leave that morning he'll ignore me and when I come home he'll pretend to be mad but really just want lots of loving and then to go outside. He's reeeeaallllyyy going to be cheesed at the end of the summer when I go to London (and hopefully NY to visit Caitlin!) and am gone for like 2 weeks. Again, this is why I'd be a horrible parent. I fill up the food and water feeders, clean the shit-box, leave a light on and lock my door on the way out. Can you do that with kids? I mean, they potty train too right?

Sara and I and a couple of our friends are beginning training for a half marathon in September. I'll admit, I shat myself a little when Sara mentioned it. 13.1 miles... of running... seriously? You might as well call the paramedics for me now and have them on stand by with some oxygen and a defibrillator. But we've started training anyways. Yoga to stay limber, spinning for a small slice of hell, and they've started a power sculpt class which I just can't get myself to get up for at 8:30 on a Saturday. Pff, right. But that mixed with constant cardio is what we're going. If only I could get my ass to do the constant cardio part! It's not as easy as it would seem. I want to run, I do, but getting my ass in gear to do it, not so much as easy as the "wanting" to part. So this should be an interesting journey. Let's hope the chubrub stays to a minimum. Oh, but the best part is the half marathon we're looking at is the Disney one! So you run through Disney Land, awesome, and can get discounted tickets to the park, also awesome.

So that's my first post of the new year. I resolve to not resolve to do anything in particular. How's THAT for not cheating on a New Year's resolution. HA!