it's come to light that i am nothing like a fine wine.

There is no way I've gotten better with age.  I think I'm more like the $2 boxed wine that has been long forgotten in the back of the fridge for about 6 months and once pulled out it's discovered that the liquid has taken on a congealed gelatinous form and smells like the bum you see sitting near the subway.

Being only in my mid-twenties, one would think that I would be full of energy, bounce back from everything and be rip-roaring-and-ready to go at any time. Well my friends, this is incredibly not the case. I'm pretty sure my foot still hurts from falling a week ago (yes, I know, you're terribly surprised that I fell). I'm also sure that on nights when I consume far too much alcohol, I can no longer bounce back the next day by popping some Ibuprofen with a gallon of water followed by a greasy meal and sugary soda. Instead, the Ibuprofen and water and accompanied by saltines and 2 days on the couch nursing my poor injured liver and head.

Gone are the days of all nighter's and subsisting on a diet consisting of Mountain Dew, Cool Ranch Doritos and some form of sour gummy anything. Now I look at a diet soda for a a millisecond and BAM, another few pounds find their way to my gut and when I make it to bed late, only allowing for a few hours of rest, not only do I have to consume several forms of caffeine throughout the day but you better damn well believe there is no way I am 1. going to the gym 2. cleaning house 3. running any errands or 4. doing anything other than going straight home after work, putting on my pajama's, taking off my bra and laying my ass on the couch.

How did this happen and for the love of all that is good and holy how do I make it STOP!? Those of you with spouses and kids, man, I can't even imagine.

So, it's a safe bet to assume that while I had a fantastic time last night hanging out and catching up with the wonderful Lindsey and Brian, and marveling at how big their daughter has gotten, I didn't crawl into bed until after 11, which meant my 5 am wake-up gym call? was replaced by a big fat snooze til 6:30 and while I should have gone to the gym, my aching body is still recovering from it's tumble and my liver from the Lambic I drank on Tuesday.

If you need me later, you'll most likely find me passed out on my couch in my PJ's, preparing for the visit of the ever fab Mel from London! But be forewarned if you pop in unawares, I make no promises to be wearing real pants.

None at all.

This may require two tylenol and a gallon of water in the morning.

A week ago today I was on a plane. Somewhere.

Today is a much different version of what I was doing a week ago.

Today I was nothing but lazy. I woke up fairly early, laid in bed for awhile, then finally got up and got dressed to go to the movies with the sister and our friend. After nearly polishing off the world's largest popcorn bucket with the sister, I came home to do......nothing.

An incredibly unproductive day. I could have continued to hang my frames in my room, but I didn't. Or clean my apartment. But I didn't. Or done any number of things.

But I didn't.

I did however, have an eventful Saturday. After a few errands and a trip to Lowes to pick up the newest love of my life, the laser level, I joined some old high school chaps for a trip to the movies. Needless to say for about 3 hours I had the hugest high school flashback, but it was a lot of fun to be around those guys again. After that it was off to the grandparents for a BBQ to see my family from Japan that was visiting as well as family from nearby that I don't get to see on a regular basis. It was so nice to see everyone and we managed to survive the ball sweat inducing heat that threatened to turn us all into balls of human flesh and sweat, unrecognizable to anyone. Honestly, must H-town reside smack dab in the middle of the devil's crotch? Because it's so blasted hot that dessert for dinner is going to be in effect until the triple digits leave as it's the only thing one should eat when it's that hot.

So back to my day of nothing. I'm capping it off by opening the bottle of champagne that's been in my fridge since December. Perhaps it's a bit sad and pathetic to open a bottle of champagne to consume alone. And perhaps it's just the thing that a day of laziness and gluttony calls for.

I vote option two.

It only costs a pound or two, but it will save your life, and my stomach.

That's it.

I've decided that I need to find me a big pot o' gold at the end of some freaking rainbow because leisure and me? We just work together. I feel better than I have since I was in London last Spring. Completely relaxed, no pressure, no stress, nothing. I've read half a book today among my dilly-dallying around the city and that makes this my 5th book that I've almost finished since I've been on vacation. I'm rested and happy and it is a feeling I'm going to miss when I leave vacation behind. But that's days away so for now, I shall wrap myself in this awesome feeling.

Today I went cave exploring. Well, more I followed an experienced guide through pitch black chalk mine caves holding a little gas lantern and that? was pretty amazing. I went to the Chislehurst Caves today and then wandered back into the city to visit Trafalgar Square, Westminster, eat a late late late lunch in the Victoria garden/park next to Parliament and then found my way back home before commute time made the trains unbearable. I don't know what this evening holds, but I know it will be grand even if it's just dinner and a movie again.

I find myself trying to avoid or breeze through the large site/touristy areas because I just don't have the patience for tourists. Yes, yes I know technically I am a tourist but since I've lived here I feel less like a tourist and more like I've just fallen back into one of my favorite places. I do have a few tips for the would be tourists out there, mostly based off of things that were either irritating or gag inducing:

1. DEODORANT! I cannot stress how important this one step in a daily routine can be. It will make your journey and the journey of anyone within a 500 meter radius much more pleasant. I am already incredibly tired of being forced to control my gag reflex by running into a wall of dirty pit stench. Whether it be in a train car or on a street corner. Come on ya'll, one small step for mankind.

2. Pull over to discuss, take photos or look at a map. Standing in the middle of the bottom of a set of stairs in the tube is unwise, you will lose a limb and I may or may not be the one to take it from you. The middle of the sidewalk is not a gathering place. And please, PLEASE do not give myself or other passersby dirty looks when we bump into you. The sidewalk is not wide enough that your ass and your pride can reside in the middle of the damn thing.

3. If you're wielding luggage or a buggy (stroller) kindly stay to one side or the other. Don't lolly-gag and cause a traffic jam. You will get unkind looks and huffs from most Londoners who are going to and fro.

I have yet to have the energy to try and post any pictures and actually I haven't taken many. I have so many photos from living here it's hard not to think I'm just taking more of the same pictures. My trip seems to have a nature theme going : zoo, wetlands, chalk caves... so most pictures are just of scenery but someday I'll put a few up.

Till then, cheers.

It's kind of early, I'm pretty hungry and not sure what's going on with this stupid software

This was intended to be a long post chalk full of pictures and such.

But then my computer and blogger started being an asshole, so we'll see how far I get.

I've been out of NY for almost a week now and while I had a rough start, I'm thoroughly enjoying myself now and back to the swing of things in London. Getting here was a doozy though. After much wasted time standing in lines at JFK, I finally boarded my plane and we pushed off and headed down the tarmac....only to stop and be told they were shutting the engines off and we weren't leaving for at least 2 hours. What has been left out of this story is that I was sitting next to quite possibly the craziest bitch on the planet, who had to be hopped up on meth or crack or something, so those extra few hours were not pleasant. We finally get airborne and they serve us the fabulous airline cuisine for dinner but by the time they reach me...no more vegetarian meals left, no biggie, ate the salad and roll, good to go. Arrive in London finally, get away from miss crazy, get grilled for 5 minutes by passport control and finally grab my luggage and head for the tube at the airport, which is forever and a day away. Get on the train, done. Get to where I need to change tube lines, good to go. Get to Victoria station to catch the overground train to Melissa's and of course there are no elevators here. Cut to me going slowly up the stairs, banging my suitcase and an old man wanting to be helpful and me reassuring him I am fine fine fine but he'll have none of it so he grabs my suitcase....and breaks the handle. Then runs away saying sorry. Now I'm stuck with a broke ass suitcase and have to manage the rest of the journey. By the time I finally reached the flat I was dehydrated, starving and exhausted. I thought "some food, some water, maybe a nap, you'll be good to go."

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

The food I ate, came right back up....twice. Along with the water I drank. My nap turned into having to sleep my entire first day here because every time I went vertical, my stomach clenched and threatened to send me heaving again. The girls here were great and took fantastic care of me, but worry struck because we were leaving for Dublin the next day! Thank the heavens when I woke up all was well, though my stomach was still a little iffy, and Mel and I made our way to Dublin just fine.

Dublin was great, except for all the Americans there. Don't get me wrong I've got lots of pride and love my country, but dammit I didn't go to Dublin to look at and listen to my countrymen. But, even with that, we had a great time there and made it safely back to London. Where the next day I met up with Mo Coppoletta at The Family Business Tattoo shop and got some new ink done, which is gorgeous and I love it. He has a book coming out, which is kind of exciting, and honestly he's one of the most fun tattoo artists I've ever had work done by. An incredibly enjoyable experience both times I've gone to him.

Now my time of leisure truly begins. I have no plans to speak of, which is awesome. Mel and I tried to go to our favorite Friday night hotspot in Angel, for I Love the 90's, only to be horrified to find that it has been replaced with some indie music night and the skankalicious girls were stankin' the area up so we just had dinner and came back to the flat to chill for a bit. A sad let down but I guess all good things can't last. What's up for today? Who knows, the zoo maybe? Reading in the park? Walking the city?

Until next time....

Live from FAT: Part Duex

I may have accidentally typed Live from FART. No joke. And then died with laughter causing the 5 other people in here to look at me like I'm the crazy girl in the pink dress. :)

You read right, live from FAT again. I'm waiting for my little plane to take me to a bigger plane which will take me to NYC where I will get to see the fabulous Lady Kate and amazing Alli D. It's going to be kind of awesome. Although I have just realized I have forgotten one very important item.....Butch. Poor Butch. He never made it into my carry on. I guess he just couldn't leave California behind, even for a couple weeks. Can't say I blame him, but he's a bit crazy. I think he's just too excited about Fresno State Football starting in a couple months that he completely forgot about coming back to London to visit with his long lost brother Stetson.

In preparation for leaving I've had my suitcases out for awhile and of course Heimy was not a happy camper. He kept sniffing them and giving me dirty looks. Then last night it's like he KNEW I was leaving. He went outside and didn't come back in until I was up and moving around this morning, which is like unheard of because that fool wakes me up at least 2 times a night crying in my face to let me know he's inside. I was starting to think he'd finally had enough of me and then he walked inside. He was none-too-pleased when I wouldn't let him back outside and proceeded to curl up on the bed and ignore me even as I was leaving. Jerk. His girlfriend, Miss Dee, is coming to stay with him though, so he better shape UP.

I'm kind of in awe that this trip is here already. It seems like I just served up one of my kidneys to pay for these plane tickets a few weeks ago when it's really been like 6 months (recovery is going well, the scar will just serve as a reminder of my dedication to visit friends and travel). Of course I've had to also pre-sale my first born in order to afford checking my one bag to NY and for other travel expenses, but hey, who can't live without one kidney and any kids? I think I'll sell my spleen to go to Australia.

I limited myself to only bringing 5 books with me, and I hope it's enough. While I don't mind going book shopping ANYWHERE or anytime, I then have to manage to get them home. My brother in law looked at me kind of squirrely when I told him that, and then I had to explain that my plans for LDN are to walk in parks and in the city and read. That is a small slice of heaven if you ask me. Oh who am I kidding, I'm sure I'll come home with at least 2 new books. Tune back in 3 weeks from now to find out.

Look out Big Apple, here comes this pink clad small town girl. Please don't go all Coyote Ugly on me.