If they ever gave me a kid it be that whole "A dingo ate my baby" thing all over again

This is to all of you who ask me "Why don't you want kids?" "You'd be a great mom!" "Kids are fantastic!" etc, etc.

I would make a terrible mother. Not only did I not come home all day until 9:00 pm after leaving at like 7:30 this morning, but I also forgot to turn the air on so it was like an oven in my house and I basically tried to roast my poor 4-legged son. He was none to happy with me when I got home. It's like I stuck a baby in an oven and left it on broil all day. I'd leave the kid in the car without cracking the windows and forget until several hours later. I know, I'd call CPS on me too, which is why we'll just avoid that situation all together.

Also, kids say totally embarrassing things like the Garrett, my basically little brother, who is 2 years old. I was at my mom's and went to the restroom and I hear this:

Garrett: Where's Nana?
My mom: She's in the potty.
*BANG BANG BANG* on the bathroom door.
Door opened.
Garrett: Hi Nana.
Me: Hi buddy.
Garrett: What are you doing?
Me: Going potty. What are you, the bathroom monitor.
Take two steps into the living room.
Garrett: You go poop?

Uh, huh? No, no buddy I did not.

I need a disclaimer tattooed to my forehead: Not kid friendly (exceptions can be made)

(because despite his poop remark, he's still the cutest kid around)