Unless you truly WANT to pay a surgeon for my eye replacement surgery or for the ambulance ride when I pass out.

Dear fellow gym members:

The following list is not to necessarily be seen as demands, but really, they are to be seen as well, stern suggestions that upon non-compliance could result in bodily harm against you.

Firstly, I understand a locker room is meant for changing and various other purposes. But, for the sanctity of ALL that is freaking holy, please wear some underwear that are not so entirely dingy white and threadbare that I can literally see your butt and butt crack. The economy is bad, but not that bad. If I see this again I may scratch out my eyeballs and running shrieking from the room continue to gag in silence. ALSO, whilst mid-change, you are no longer allowed to pick at whatever god-forsaken thing, bite, bump, etc that has manifested. It's gross and no one needs to see that, honestly.

One should know that when frequenting the gym, strenuous exercise is in store and in preparation for this one should wear god damn deodorant. Because, when you don't, and you get on a machine next to me, and your wretched left out in the sun onion smell wafts up into my nose while I'm working out, it causes me to gag and choke and want to cut my workout short so that I may breathe untainted air. Really, not cool.

Just a few tidbits, so lets work on these, mmkay? That way we can all have a pleasant, sweaty experience.

Your fellow gym user,

Now, in other news, I totally got stuck by 3-mother-fucking trains today. Three. THREE. Why must this town be split in two by the railroad tracks. And why must there always be a train when I need to get to the other side of town. And WHY must I always get caught when there are two trains passing each other going at a snails pace. Why? Because I suck, that's why.

Bring on some Tudors, I need to soothe myself with some half-naked Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and cheerful British accents.


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