15 minutes and counting

This has been the longets Monday ever, and this reflects my current mental state (which is insane).


Up next: Bikini body. Bring it on bitches, bring. it. on.

I remember, cause I'm awesome like that

I wanted to share THIS article with ya'll because, well, you probably already know I'm a crazy tree-hugger type animal freak (not to the extreme though) and I happen to think that this is like one of the coolest things I've read in a long time and think that if men in the armed service can take the time to do their part, then why can't everyone do a little bit?

Think on that.

It's going to have to be amputated from the elbow

Welcome to Monday. I'm so tired I had to drink a diet pepsi before 10 am so I didn't pass out with my face smashed on my desk. Not a good start to the week. Thankfully it's only a 4 day week, yay!

Move Day 2 went relatively well. I managed to get everything from my sister's, my tv's set up and almost everything is out of boxes, which is nice. However, move day 2 also consisted of bringing over my furball oldman, and let's just say that's always a traumatic experience for all parties involved. Thankfully my place is only a few minutes away from my sister's, so I only had to hear his heartwrenching crying for a short amount of time (unlike our 45 minute ride to Fresno last time). He freaked, as I knew he would, but then settled down and I thought all was well... until I tried to sleep. and he decided to wake me up crying. once an hour. every hour. all. night. long. Hence the need for caffeine. I know he'll calm down after about a week, but man, it's going to be a rough freaking week.

In other news, my pinky is JACKED. No clue how it happend. It was a bit sore yesterday but I woke up this morning and it had blown up like an inflatable frosty at Christmas time, was so red and hot I literally thought it was on fire and painful, my freaking god, does it hurt. What happened? No clue. But I've got some serious inflammation issues here people.

Ok, so the picture kind of sucks, but you can see it a little bit, and frankly, I'd just like to point out my dedication here b/c it really hurts to type with this sucker and you don't realize how important that last little digit on your hand is until it notifies you of it's usage with a lovely sting of pain each time it's used.

I had something else I was going to discuss, but I'm so focused on my finger right now that I forgot. Oops.

Who says good deeds never go unpunished

Move Day One:

I have the most awesome family ever. For reals. They had my storage unit unloaded, we drove across town and had it all loaded into my apartment in just under 60 minutes. Amazing.  I felt completely useless because every time I went to get something or move something, someone else was already there.  But now begins the process of finding a place for everything.  It took me about 2 hours just to find a proper place for all of my books (yeah, yeah, I know, I'm completely anal and OCD). Ugh, here's to hoping I can wrap most of it up tomorrow, because it'd be seriously nice to just be done with it all. But my apartment, is totally... still... awesome.

I went into Michael's tonight to look for some flowers to put in a vase, and I found a couple, then headed to the check out. There was this older lady who sidled up right when I did, so I thought I'd do my good deed for the day and let her go in front of me. Never. Again. NEVER again. Not only did she argue and insist with the checker for like 5 minutes about the price of one thing, but then she proceeded to pick u like 4 cans of glow-stick bracelets, which of course had to be keyed in b/c they won't scan. FINALLY she pays, but then proceeds to argue some more with the checker b/c the flower petals she bought were on sale, but she also had a 40% coupon, so she wanted to know why she didn't the 40% on top of the sale price. Oi. The poor checker kept explaining that you can't get the extra percentage off on a sale item, but that she actually saved 0.40 cents MORE than if she just bought them on sale. I wanted to stab myself in the freaking face. That's what I get for being nice. See, now you understand why I'm sarcastic, snarky and mean most of the time.

In other news, it's god damn hot in this valley now. I know I shouldn't complain, because it's almost July and we're barely getting real summer weather, but I'm going to complain anyways, because I was sweaty and slightly gross all freaking day. Welcome to the devil's crotch that is the Valley ladies and gents, summer has arrived.

Lastly, I absolutely am in love with the new season of True Blood, particularly the humor they're bringing in to it. Take this little interlude:

Eric: Is there blood in my hair?

Lafeyette: A little.

Eric: This is bad. Pam's going to kill me.

hahahaah, ok perhaps it's only funny if you see it in context, but for reals, major laugh out loudage going on with that scene. Also, just found out that the guy who plays Jason, and is incredibly beautiful, is Australian. Holy crow.

They should put a warning label or something so you know that it's physically possible

I broke my crotch.

Seriously.

Well, the right side anyways. Technically my groin muscle, but whatever, same region.

It hurts like a beeeotch.

Just thought you all should know.

p.s. I got my keys and am ready to rock'n'roll in my new place!

Collating goddess

200 down, 150 to go. But I'm out of cardstock... thus one of my forms... and am going to have to remain in collating purgatory until after I can get more on the 1st. Ew.

The hits (and hilarity) just keep on coming.

Wow, today is TOTALLY shaping up to be a freaky Friday (which clearly means lots of these things because I have to tell someone about this and no one is around, so thus, viola, here we are).

Some bat-shit-completely-fucking-crazy old lady just came into the office. Of course she comes in when I'm getting ready to swap out with my receptionist to cover her lunch. She's talking crazy about all kinds of things referring to herself as the "Bitch RN", seriously lady, wtf? And finally after about a 3 minute tirade of sorts to which I'm not sure if I'm supposed to respond to what she's saying or if this is merely how she introduces herself to strangers, she goes "Well, what can we do about this? Who can I talk to? Is this where the kids go to school?"

Um. No.

I nicely try to explain what our office does with a smile on my face, but she doesn't understand, and then starts going for the business cards to get someone to talk to (I have no clue what card she took, but I pity that person....) and then as my receptionist is heading out the door, she turns and follows her, still talking the whole way.

Perhaps one of the more entertaining moments of the day.

It's totally a starbucks in the afternoon kind of day, Bikini body class be damned.

If I promise to be good, do I have to go????

When you're bad, this is where you go. To collating hell.

Early mornings are such a buzz kill

I really don't appreciate being yelled at, at 7:30 in the morning, but some crazy gestapo-esque man that works for a collection agency in Ohio. Really dude, you can suck it.

Also, Iget my keys to my place today and I'm super duper excited, and kind of just want the move to be over with. :)

It's too darn early.

p.s. seriously, back off crazy man, I did NOT appreciate your assholed-ness with me this morning.

Is officially extremely disturbed after finding out that Disney is making a tv show based off of 10 Things I Hate About You. SO not ok.

Yes I realize it's partially my fault but we're not taking that road

I am literally going to stab whoever is responsible for putting damn Tylenol PM!!!! in the Equate Pain Reliever bottle at home. Because someone who is groggy in the morning and wakes up with a heacache and reaches for said bottle, pops two and only THEN realizes the color was wrong and rechecks what is in the bottle to discover she just popped 2 freaking Tylenol PM's at 6:30 in the morning, is going to get a bit cheesed at that fact.

Today is going to suck. It's 8:30 and I can't even keep my head up.

Shit.

It could have been love, if only he had pointed out the sunburn

Why? Why do I attract all the creepies to me as I told Megan "like flies on shit". Seriously? Is it my perfume? My lotion? My fucking hairspray? I'd like to know because I'll stop doing it, whatever it is. After a nice spa party night at Judy's house, Megan and I went to Panera Bread to get some much needed sustenance.  We roll up in the joint and Megan points out that I still have some of the white face mask that we used at the party on my face (because *coughshepainteditonmyfacereallythickanditwashardtowashoffcough*). But I was like "whatever, I don't care" to which she replied "no one will even notice."

Wrong.

So fucking wrong.

We're standing there debating on what to get and this random creeper dude walks up behind us while we're chatting and I turn to tell him he can go in front of us and here is what follows:

Creeper: Were you painting before you came here.

Me: Um, no.

Creeper: *staring slightly open mouthed dazed and confused*

Me: It's something else.

Megan: We were at a spa party.

Me: It's part of a face mask.

Creeper: Oh, uh... *awkward laugh*

Me: um, yeah.

And all the while Megan is laughing her ass off next to me. It's all her fault! :D

THEN as if that wasn't awkward enough of an interlude, we're walking to a booth and we happen to pass near him and he proceeds to interact with me again, yelling "That's an awesome bag too, by the way." Referring to my amazing I heart Mr. Darcy bag. Wow. Yeah, what a winner.

If only he'd commented on my strange striped sunburn on my forehead from floating Sunday, he might have gotten some action. It would have been hard to resist the tri-fecta of creepiness

p.s. Here's the new love of my life, Oscar VanApplestein.

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Now all I need is a walker and some tennis balls and I'll be set

Hell must have frozen over. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Because if hell hasn't frozen over, then someone needs to explain to me how my ass managed to run a mile with stairs in 14 minutes. Yes, I know that is no marathon time there, but for someone like me who hasn't "run" a mile or anything EVER, that's pretty fucking amazing. However, it made me realize I am a young-old lady. My hip hurts so bad I feel like I need a walker. WTF?

On Saturday my friend Megan and I had a Harry Potter movie marathon! (Yes we are nerds and yes we made Denise watch some of them with us, but you know you're jealous!) We thought we'd planned enough time to watch all 5 in a row... uh, not. We only made it through number 4. But have no FEAR! We will watch numero 5 right before we go see the new one when? July 15th of course! And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you need to go here before I kick you in the teeth. I woke up on Sunday with a slight sugar hangover from Saturday. OH, but prior to the awesome HP-a-thon, Sara and I braved $2 tank-top day at Old Navy. Man-oh-man do the quality people of Hanford show up when there is a sale. I'm really surprised Sara or I didn't lay someone out. There were so many people there it was ridiculous. I kind of wanted to stab someone, but refrained... barely.

Moving day is this weekend, and I'm so excited and yet not. I hate moving, but the good thing is that everything is already boxed and ready to go, we just have to unload it from my storage unit. I'm super excited about my new apartment/house (b/c it's that big, and if you don't think 14oo sq. feet w/ walk in closets is big then you can just get out. now.) and can't wait to make it all super cute! It means I have to buy some more furniture, like a chair for my living room and such, but that's ok I suppose. Who doesn't like getting new things? And with the state of the economy, mayhaps I can find something cute and CHEAP!

FYI: I feel like my hips are going to fall off. Now while I know that it's kind of physcially impossible for your hips to fall off, it makes me start thinking, what if they actually did. Would they take your legs with them? Or simply detach from both ends. Either way you'd be in pieces and that would just suck. But seriously, they hurt like no bodies business, this cannot be a good sign.

p.s. Don't call HR with questions on immunizations for your student when they don't even go to one of my schools and then get pissy with me because I don't know if your child needs another TB test or not b/c you don't understand the letter from the nurse. Seriously woman, I will hurt you. CALL THE EFFING SCHOOL!

If you crossed wolverine with a kangaroo it would be like the ultimate fighting machine

I just saw three turkeys on the side of the highway. Alive, of course, like there was nothing unusual about them being there.

My cat just tripped out on my water bottle on my bed.

I'm moving into an awesome apartment in about a week.

It's good to be home.

Worst birthday gift EVER

The Flu. Here's a tip: make sure you get a gift receipt on that shit because it sucks, hardcore. Just what you wanted for your special day: stomach cramps complete with fever, nausea, body aches, and that's just the beginning! It's like the gift that keeps on giving.

Because of said flu I missed my class at the gym (which frankly I'm not so sad about b/c being in a perpetual state of soreness and pain, is already old and we're only 2 weeks in folks, so not a good sign). But that means another one on one session with the trainer, which means she'll kick my ass more than if I was in class, which frightens the snot out of me.

I've been feeling a bit stab stabby at work trying to clean up and figure out what's going on at my desk after four months of being gone. I'm not blaming anyone, and really if I wasn't so OCD and anal about my stuff it probably wouldn't be such a big deal, but man, it's really starting to chap my ass having to redo things.

Also, I want to smack my neighbor and throw his windchimes at him that make it impossible for me to sleep at night because they clang clang together allll night long. Seriously, not a soothing noise my friend, not at all.

And lastly, I really wish this dude would call me to tell me I got the apartment I want, because, duh, I want it. Like now. Stat. Pronto. Immediately. ASAP. You get the jist. I just turned my app in Friday, but honestly, like he's going to find a better tennant? Pff. Right. So I'm calling tomorrow. Don't want to seem overbearing, but fuck, I want it, so screw it.

Sometimes I can make amends. Sometimes.

I have been chastised (thanks Megan) about not posting, so here goes the "What have I been up to for 2ish weeks" post.

What have I been up to? Not a damn thing.

Other than eating lots of good food, hanging out with lots of friends and family and starting back to work.  That was probably the hardest part, starting back to work. Having to get up early regularly kind of, well... blows. But such is life.

Another thing that kind of blows is looking for a decent place to rent in this town. Seriously, why the ghettoness hanford, why?

I've also been putting myself through 2 hours of torture a week at the gym in a Personal Training class called "Bikini Body". With a name like that you know it's going to be hell. I limp out with a sweaty ass, a tired body and looking much like someone who is incredibly out of shape and was just forced to do over 200 sit-ups plus other tortures should look. Let's hope it does some good.

After hitting the gym this morning, I'm off to hang out with some friends in Fresno and have a little birthday celebration lunch. Cheers.

Dorothy got some things right

Home again, home again, jiggity jig. After the world's longest day I finally made it back to H-town. It's kind of weird, but a good weird. Longest flight ever because of a couple of delays, but not too shabby, and I got to watch 4.5 awesome movies including Australia, The Reader, Revolutionary Road, Max Payne (where does this fit with the others you ask? Helllooo, Marky Mark is in it, duh.) and about half of the Young Victoria, which I've already seen so that's all gooooood.

It was so nice to get to an airport and have people there I knew! Rather than immediately having to navigate my way to some bus system to figure out. So awesome. AND because my family is amazing, I totally had a jamba juice waiting for me in the car. It doesn't get much better than that ladies and gents. :) So after the long car ride home and right before I went to bed, my cat made his appearance too, and that was just the icing on the cake. I missed my old man! And now he won't leave me alone, hahaha, poor guy, I'm sure he has abandonment issues after all the times I've moved. But I always come back!

So what is on for today you ask? Uh, dumb question, TARGET! I'm showered, fed, and ready to get in my cute little car, drive around town, and blow a bunch of money at the world's greatest store. Oh Target, how I've missed thee. Then, well, who knows! If anyone wants to have lunch or hang out this week, just hit me up, I'm a free bird, except for Wednesday, as family lunches are back ON for me. My cell # is the same for those of you who have it, fyi.

Alright, Target, in the words of one of the best songs ever, "Watch out here I come!"