If your morning smells like feces, that can't be a good sign.

When you have to start Monday morning off with a coffee just to wake-up when you're not normally a morning coffee person... that is a bad sign. It could also be that I knew this is what was waiting for me when I got to work.

*someday I'll see my desk again... someday*

I'm telling you I either need another vacation or a body double because for some reason my social calendar is too busy and since when did that happen? Friday night was my first official night "entertaining" in my new place! Dinner was cooked and consumed and the Wii party commenced (and so did learning that I really suck at Wii Mariokart, which was quite a blow to the ego). Then began Saturday, which was the longest fucking day on the planet. Up at 6:30, at the high school bowl at 7 to run with my class. 2 miles, 4 sets of stadium stairs, 6 sprints and 1oo lunges later I made my way to Sara's to organize picking up my washer and dryer that I scored for $100 (*fist pump!*). First stop - grandparents to pick up handtruck, Second stop - friend's house to pick up W/D and visit, Third stop - my place to unload (thank you to the best sister and brother-in-law around). Fourth stop - my couch for a much needed nap. Mom and company then came over to help hook up said W/D and bolt my head board. Fifth stop - back to grandparents to return hand truck, Sixth stop - the bank. Seventh stop - Megan and Denise's and Eigth stop - the fair where oh-so-much excitment was found. I don't know what the hell was up with me, but seriously, I was one sweaty beast when we got to the fair and was not wearing a sweat friendly shirt if you catch my drift. Let's just say lifting my arms up was NOT an option that evening. We wandered to fair, saw the bunnies (and one tried to commit suicide out of Denise's arms), and then meandered into the concert for the evening curtesy of Josh Gracin. Not a bad show really, and his guitarist/fiddlist/harmonica-ist was pretty dang hot, which helped.

Also, I may have met the love of my life there. Isn't he lovely?

*Ah, it's good to be back in h-town... HAHAHAHAH*

Josh Gracin also made an appearance in the crowd for his encore, and then walked through us to get to the stage. He kind of ran into me, but I'll let it slide, you know, since he's a celeb and all. After the show we went to find the house of mirrors so I could witness Denise in all her mirror-running-into glory and you know what, THAT THING FUCKING BLEW! I spent $4 bones to go in and it sucked, suckity-suck-sucked! But, on the bright side, we did get to see this lovely gem on the way to the beer garden afterwards. I had to resist stealing it from the young girl.

(click to enlarge...)

After passing out Saturday, I woke up bright and early Sunday to go to church w/ the grandparents and then head to a baseball game with my Papa. The game was great, a little long as it went 12 innings and despite the shade we were in I got a massive farmer's tan sunburn on my arms, but by the time we got home I was so freaking tired I went home plopped on my couch and only moved to eat dinner and go to bed.

But exhaustion is not an option! This week is full-o-fun including the MIDNIGHT RELEASE OF HARRY POTTER! which I'm totally going to, and having dinner with Aubs! who I haven't seen since we got back from London, so that'll be awesome.

Here's a few tips/thoughts/words of advice to leave you with:

1. I'm still going to stab this safety plan in the face.
2. Flipcharts suck ass to make.
3. Men - if you blow up the bathroom at work, USE THE CURTESY SPRAY! so that when I walk in the hallway I don't gag at the smell wafting out.
4. Don't make me repeat myself over and over again (fyi intern: you're on notice.)
5. Always wear good underwear, you never know what could happen.

Shalom.

It might sound like the beginning of a bad porno, but this is actually my life

Ok, so here’s one thing I’m thankful for today: Hot. Ass. Dish Network. Installers.

Seriously? Wow. Usually I just get the old men who are on the far side of the “too hairy” scale, sweat a bit too much and show me more butt crack than I care to ever see. But today, damn, damn, DAMN. And I’d like to thank him for taking off his Dish shirt and walking around in his tank-top, because that made my morning that much better.

And now I’m up and running with some boob tube, DVR’ing action.

One thing I’m not so thankful for is getting up at 5:40 this morning to go running. It’s not that I got up that much earlier than I would have had to if I was going to work, but still, it’s different when you’re going to work, than when you’re going to go and get hella sweaty and breathe so hard your lungs feel like the balloons inside a whoopee cushion because you’re breathing that hard. But, alas, I did it and feel all the more better for it. But really, I only did it because I can’t go to the gym tonight because I’m going to dinner and a movie with Shannon and Crystal. Ah, the rationalization I do is what gets me through the day. I also feel a little bit like I'm on crack because of the energy/endorphins from working out in the morning and then taking my CLA pills. Wowza!

Coming up soon, HP 6 ladies and gents! Am I going to the midnight showing with a group of awesome ladies (and a few gents)? Yes! Am I excited? Yes! Are we getting tickets today the day they go on sale? You bet your ass we are! In fact HERE they are!

Don't be jealous! :)

I’m surprised I can even type today after last night’s PT class at the gym. Because we worked our arms so dang much, in fact that’s all we worked, and I think my arms are now full of lead. I can’t really extend my right arm totally straight, because it hurts. Yes, I might be a slight wussy, but seriously, I have such a love/hate feeling for my trainer.

Other sweet news? I GOT MY Wii! That's right beeotches, it's Wii time (uh.. I do need to get 1 more remote though, so I have 2).

It's party time!

P.S. This day needs to be over, like now, b/c it's only getting worse, I'm only getting more and more fucking frustrated at work and I need a cocktail like A-freaking-SAP!


P.P.S. The need for an adult beverage is being made worse by the screaming child out front.

I cannot and will not be held accountable for the things that come out of my mouth, I blame it on the heat.

I may or may not have just dropped the f-bomb whilst talking to my boss.

Fuck.

Also, I've solidified my position as the world's most awesome collator. The pile from a week or so ago is finally complete, and ready to have another batch mixed up into this beeotch.


And after about an hour or so, thhhaaarrrr she blows.

But seriously, if a large gust of wind or an earthquake knocks this bad boy over, I'm going to be pissed. And possibly cry a little bit... or aLOTTA bit.

In other news (because, lets be honest, dropping the f-bomb in the context of "I fucking hate that thing" in reference to the project your boss is assigning you that you've done before and now have to update, trumps pretty much any other tid-bit of news), I'm getting my dish set up tomorrow, YAY! So excited. And, Target is trying to kill me by sending me one of my new Wii games, before my console has arrived. That's just MEAN.

Perhaps he was hungover from the holiday as well

Happy belated America's birthday day to everyone! Did you eat a lot? Good. Drink a bit? Good. Watch some shit blow up? Good.

Not much to share right now, but here is an awesome example of classic H-town brilliance. Look very closely at the numbers on the sign.

Yup. Awesome right? :)

What not to wear needs to be up in this mo' fo' directing the reprimanding

Here's the thing I don't get: why me?

"Why you what?" you may be asking yourself.

Well, let me tell you. I want to know why I am the subject of such scrutiny at work when it comes to my wardrobe. Seriously? Not. Cool. I dress very well compared to many others at my place of employment. When we are on professional dress, I always dress like I'm supposed to and when we're casual I never wear shorts (like I would anyways, ha.) or flip-flops (to much sadness). And yes, ok, I was unfortunately over blessed up stairs but I try my hardest not to be all clevagey because um, no, it's not ok, but sometimes despite my efforts it can be unavoidable. I don't wear super tight clothes and try to make sure my pants don't have frayage at the bottom because it's not allowed (seriously, I trim it up which let me tell you is basically a loosing battle because I'm kind of vertically challenged and walk on my pants all the time).

SO, my question dear friends, is what the hell? There are people in other departments that wear inappropriate things all the time. Either they are more tank-topish than we allow, their jeans are frayed, their shoes are SO freaking flip-flop (I don't care if they're leather folks) that it's ridiculous, or they wear bermuda shorts... even during professional dress. For reals, what. the. fuck. Do they get in trouble? No. Do they ever get sent home? No. Do I? Yes.

Ok, so today I'm not in trouble, but a manager did look at my shirt with a bit of disdain so I'm basically just waiting to be told that I can't wear it again. Which is gay, because look at this sucker, it's freaking c-u-t-e.

Seeeeeeeeeeee! Cute. (And yes I'm well aware this photo makes my upstairs looke GINORMOUS, but whatev, it was not an easy shot to get). I love boys that recycle, I mean come on, how can you hate on someone going green? :)

SO, my next move, should I be reprimanded for wearing a totally cute and normal t-shirt, shall be to dress like this...

Nuff said.

Oh, and p.s., we totally get 2 hours of paid leave today, squeeeeeeeee!, so I'm off at 2 pm bitches, hell. freaking. YES!

Who says government jobs are boring

Scene 1: Reception Desk
Customer: My name is blankity blank, and I need to pick up a certificated substitute application.
Me: Sure thing! Do you currently have a teaching credential or are you working towards one?
**side: there are 2 diff apps, this question is totally legit
Customer: NO! I'm retired.
Me: Um, ok. So, you're a retired... teacher?
Customer: Yes.
Me: So then you would have a teaching credential.
Customer: YES!

Fuck me dude, seriously.

Scene 2: Walking from bathroom to the front office
Me: OH MY GOD!
Co-worker: What?!?
Me: MY SKIRT WAS TOTALLY TUCKED UP IN THE BACK!

cough note to self: smooth down back of skirt before exiting restroom. (Thank god I felt my skirt was funny before walking out front. Awesome.)

I'm not implying the race is androgynous because you simply can't trust a meth-head's judgment*

Tuesday officially became a randomly awesome day.

Firstly, I need to say a huge CONGRATU-FREAKIN-LATIONS to my friend Katie for not only having an interview yesterday with an awesome firm that she wanted to work for but also for getting the job! You rock lady! :D And now I can come visit you, possibly on our intended 6 month interval! I owe you one rum and coke to celebrate.

For lunch I went to Boston with "the crew" and as we're walking up someone calls out to me and what do you know, but trouble times two is heading towards Boston as well in the form of Megan and Denise (who apparently tried to call and text me but I'm totally lame, I mean, cough completely popular like that and just can't get to my phone all the time, jeez...), but they wanted me to meet them there, so it was like fate.

Then, Lindsey is in town from Arizona and we got together after work to have dinner and a coffee date (and she looks totally cute with her baby bump, by the way, though it still freaks me out that my friends are all getting married and now starting to have kids because I am in no, way, shape or form ready to do either of those things as I'm still a huge kid myself half the time, selfish? me? hell yes!). We went to Chinese food and my lord, most amazing experience ever. This group of ladies came into the restaurant and sat in this secluded boothy area for large parties. But then this lady, completely h-town style with 14 layers of eyeshadow, looked mildly like a meth-head, and was ghetto beyond all belief, stands up and starts staring out over the little partition wall at all the other patrons with her crazy eyes, and then she sits down. Then one of her gang friends - I mean companions does the same thing. THEN a little while later, ol' googly eye half-way stands up and starts going:

"Excuse me? Sir? Young sir come here. Excuse me! Sir! Can you come here please?"

Totally, thoroughly confused as to what in the hell this bat shit crazy lady is doing, Lindsey and I are kind of gawking with our mouths hanging open and then when I realize she's bellowing at the poor female waitress, I about pissed myself laughing. Lindsey was like "Is she talking about the waitress?" Um, yeah. Told you. Meth-head. Gotta love this town.

After dinner we head to Starbucks and who do we run into, but our ol' buddy CJ. We chat for a bit to catch up and then order our drinks (I am so in luuurve w/ Caramel Fraps it's fucking ridiculous) and the barristas working were just awesome. So nice and friendly and chatty, which normally pisses me the hell off because all I keep thinking is "I'm not here to be your damn friend so make my drink so I can get the hell out of here and enjoy it in silence" (so I'm a tad anti-social. shut. up.) but it wasn't annoying. We sat outside while the sun set and enjoyed our drinks and finished catching up on each other's lives. So great.

Once I got home, the cat-bad-mom-for-being-gone-ALL-day guilt kicked in, so I stayed up later than usual to make sure my old man was happy. Being that he's stuck inside all day until he gets used to the place and I can let him out, I feel ridiculously bad when he doesn't have any company all day. So we hung out on the couch while I watched some VMars, and based on his state here,

I think he likes the new place just fine. :)

Also, I think I know what the hell was wrong w/ my jank pinky on Monday. I think I may have burned it closing my car door and not realized it, which is really freaking ridiculous that it is hot enough for that to happen.

*If you don't know what androgynous means, check it out here. (I do what I can to help the vocabulary of America, now go use it in sentence, get creative, but don't get fired.)