Here's the dealio. Things have kind of spun drastically in one direction and then in another in the past week and a half or so and I'm not quite sure all of my organs, limbs, etc. have caught up to today.
If you'd have approached me a week or so ago, I might not have been the most jolly of characters. After some bloody crushing rejections in the grad school arena and realizations of what was going to be in store, needless to say I was not in the most pleasant of moods. And then? I sent some emails. I got an email back. I had a phone interview. I sent off an application. I got an offer to be a graduate research assistant. I get to pay instate tuition. I get a small living stipend.
I'm moving.
To Texas.
Texas, y'all. Like woah. All in a week. It's funny how things can change in a week. Now I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that not only did I actually manage to get into a grad program but that I'm going to get paid to do my research. And I'm moving. Possibly sooner rather than later. I have the opportunity to get a jump (a paid jump) on my research if I want to head east this summer.
Now, if only Uhaul's or any moving truck really didn't cost over $1,000 to use for out of state, one way travel, things would be looking much better. But for now, I'll just focus on the positive.
Don't mess with Texas.
25.4.11
13.4.11
it's the little things.
Thank you Deadliest Catch for having a 2 hour season premier last night. Though 2 hours is not nearly enough.
You heal a small part of my battered soul.
Also? My nephew needs to hurry up and arrive already. His baby shower is over (thank heavens) and it's time for him to be here.
You heal a small part of my battered soul.
Also? My nephew needs to hurry up and arrive already. His baby shower is over (thank heavens) and it's time for him to be here.
11.4.11
6.4.11
these are not the kind of big balls anyone wants to deal with.
Both of my tonsils feel about this big right now.
Meds. Bed. Sleep.
p.s. Sissy Pants' baby shower....that I planned....is saturday. Sickness is not an option.
Meds. Bed. Sleep.
p.s. Sissy Pants' baby shower....that I planned....is saturday. Sickness is not an option.
5.4.11
merriam webster can't get everything right i guess.
It may be strange to say that a fortune cookie prompted me to write this little schpeal today, but it's true. I'll tell you that fortune later.
There's a word that sometimes lays heavy on everyone, and it's one that has been plaguing me lately.
Expectations.
People's expectations for you, your expectations for yourself, and round and round. They can be a glorious thing that lifts you to the highest heights of your dreams and they can be a dark cloud that weigh down your soul. Lately, I have been dealing with the later of these definitions. Not rationally of course.
It's true, I have high expectations for myself. But it's also true that I feel like other people in my life have even higher expectations for me based on previous "performance". Whether or not that's true or just something I feel, it's a hard thing to deal with and leads to another ugly word. Regret. I've been feeling a lot of that lately. Regret for some of the decisions I made 7 years ago. Regret for some of the decisions I've made in even more recent years. These two go hand in hand like a dirty, filthy virus and I'm starting to feel like patient X.
But you know what's even worse than these two words slowly chipping away at your sanity? Is that they overshadow all the good things. They block out the sunshine on a breezy warm day. They obscure the joy of the impending birth of a baby. They weed into inter-personal relations and plant seeds of dis-rest. They make you forget who you are and why you do everything that you do to keep putting one foot in front of the other each and every day.
So today, I opened an ordinary fortune cookie not knowing how wise of a cookie I held in my hands. It told me that "nothing can keep you from reaching your goals..Do it!"
It might seem strange to you that 10 words printed on a tiny piece of paper and stuffed inside a cookie could spark me to think so "deeply", but it's true, they did. A few hours after reading that little piece of paper, I sat in a room in a doctor's office and heard the tiny heartbeat belonging to my nephew still in my sisters belly. I marveled at that little sound knowing that in just a few weeks time I'll get to meet the owner of that steady heart beat. I walked in the sun to a friend's house, listening to the sounds of Spring. I hung out with friends and laughed. I realized that despite expectations and regrets, love and persistence still exist right along side them in the dictionary.
I may not be where I want, and things might not be going my way, my loans might be calling soon and I might feel stuck in a place I'm not going to get out of but the truth of the matter is, that if you refuse to give in and push yourself farther than you think you can, mountains can move. I'm not there yet, I'm not even close to the summit of the hill I put my ass on with past decisions, but hell if I'm giving up now.
Now, someone bring me some aspirin and take out stock in diet pepsi, because this is going to be one fucking long journey.
There's a word that sometimes lays heavy on everyone, and it's one that has been plaguing me lately.
Expectations.
People's expectations for you, your expectations for yourself, and round and round. They can be a glorious thing that lifts you to the highest heights of your dreams and they can be a dark cloud that weigh down your soul. Lately, I have been dealing with the later of these definitions. Not rationally of course.
It's true, I have high expectations for myself. But it's also true that I feel like other people in my life have even higher expectations for me based on previous "performance". Whether or not that's true or just something I feel, it's a hard thing to deal with and leads to another ugly word. Regret. I've been feeling a lot of that lately. Regret for some of the decisions I made 7 years ago. Regret for some of the decisions I've made in even more recent years. These two go hand in hand like a dirty, filthy virus and I'm starting to feel like patient X.
But you know what's even worse than these two words slowly chipping away at your sanity? Is that they overshadow all the good things. They block out the sunshine on a breezy warm day. They obscure the joy of the impending birth of a baby. They weed into inter-personal relations and plant seeds of dis-rest. They make you forget who you are and why you do everything that you do to keep putting one foot in front of the other each and every day.
So today, I opened an ordinary fortune cookie not knowing how wise of a cookie I held in my hands. It told me that "nothing can keep you from reaching your goals..Do it!"
It might seem strange to you that 10 words printed on a tiny piece of paper and stuffed inside a cookie could spark me to think so "deeply", but it's true, they did. A few hours after reading that little piece of paper, I sat in a room in a doctor's office and heard the tiny heartbeat belonging to my nephew still in my sisters belly. I marveled at that little sound knowing that in just a few weeks time I'll get to meet the owner of that steady heart beat. I walked in the sun to a friend's house, listening to the sounds of Spring. I hung out with friends and laughed. I realized that despite expectations and regrets, love and persistence still exist right along side them in the dictionary.
I may not be where I want, and things might not be going my way, my loans might be calling soon and I might feel stuck in a place I'm not going to get out of but the truth of the matter is, that if you refuse to give in and push yourself farther than you think you can, mountains can move. I'm not there yet, I'm not even close to the summit of the hill I put my ass on with past decisions, but hell if I'm giving up now.
Now, someone bring me some aspirin and take out stock in diet pepsi, because this is going to be one fucking long journey.
2.4.11
an open letter to grocery chains.
Dear Savemarts and other potential grocery chains,
It would be incredibly helpful if you put the fucking BREAD crumbs in the BREAD aisle and not in some random ass aisle that no one would ever think of to look down. And thus, they wouldn't spend 5 minutes pacing up and down the bread aisle, calling their mother to make sure that yes, in fact you can buy bread crumbs, and then feel slightly moronic when having to ask someone where they are kept.
Hugs,
bees
In other news, my new recipe tonight that did not call for those breadcrumbs, turned out quite spectacularly. I attempted a thai dish that I absolutely love, called Pad See Ew. Now, mine didn't look quite that good, but it actually tasted pretty swell. I couldn't find the right noodles and there was actually a moment with the replacement noodles that was a little harry, and then I could only find 1 of the soy sauces needed and had to substitute with a different sauce, but seriously, it was delish! But I didn't take a picture because it definitely didn't look super yummy.
While at the grocery store, after wandering around FOREVER looking for those damn bread crumbs, I passed by what is probably a gallon sized bottle of my favorite wine. I may have purchased it in defiance against those bastard crumbs, and might already be one moderately (read incredibly) large glass in and contemplating another one.
And still no word on those last 2 schools.
I might need to go buy a few more gallons of this wine.
It would be incredibly helpful if you put the fucking BREAD crumbs in the BREAD aisle and not in some random ass aisle that no one would ever think of to look down. And thus, they wouldn't spend 5 minutes pacing up and down the bread aisle, calling their mother to make sure that yes, in fact you can buy bread crumbs, and then feel slightly moronic when having to ask someone where they are kept.
Hugs,
bees
In other news, my new recipe tonight that did not call for those breadcrumbs, turned out quite spectacularly. I attempted a thai dish that I absolutely love, called Pad See Ew. Now, mine didn't look quite that good, but it actually tasted pretty swell. I couldn't find the right noodles and there was actually a moment with the replacement noodles that was a little harry, and then I could only find 1 of the soy sauces needed and had to substitute with a different sauce, but seriously, it was delish! But I didn't take a picture because it definitely didn't look super yummy.
While at the grocery store, after wandering around FOREVER looking for those damn bread crumbs, I passed by what is probably a gallon sized bottle of my favorite wine. I may have purchased it in defiance against those bastard crumbs, and might already be one moderately (read incredibly) large glass in and contemplating another one.
And still no word on those last 2 schools.
I might need to go buy a few more gallons of this wine.
1.4.11
an ode to lists.
A random series of events and thoughts that have occurred recently in my life in no apparent order.
1. I never ever want to paint a wine glass again after painting 49 of them.
2. The Magnificient Mel came to visit from London...and I miss her already.
3. My apartment is a giant crap hole since Mel left and I'll I've been doing is crafting for the baby shower.
4. My nephew is scheduled to arrive in 4 weeks!
5. Tissue pom-poms are the crafter's crack.
6. I spent even more money on graduation buy purchasing my cap, gown, announcements, etc. Highway robbery.
7. I've learned I basically suck at life.
8. Jury duty has to be one of the most boring things I've ever encountered in my life, particularly when you get picked for the panel and spend 2 days listening to 4 people say the same thing over and over again.
9. I loathe meetings of any kind (work wise, meetings for coffee dates = totally acceptable).
10. A bird massacre occured in my living room (guess who the culprit of THAT one was).
11. I'm under attack from mosquito eaters in my house (yes, I mean THESE things!).
12. It's been hot the past couple of days and I find myself wanting to sit in a pool with a large adult beverage and forget my troubles for awhile.
13. I think the people who work at Michael's are beginning to know me by name.
14. Frabjous Friday is my absolute favorite thing.
the end.
1. I never ever want to paint a wine glass again after painting 49 of them.
2. The Magnificient Mel came to visit from London...and I miss her already.
3. My apartment is a giant crap hole since Mel left and I'll I've been doing is crafting for the baby shower.
4. My nephew is scheduled to arrive in 4 weeks!
5. Tissue pom-poms are the crafter's crack.
6. I spent even more money on graduation buy purchasing my cap, gown, announcements, etc. Highway robbery.
7. I've learned I basically suck at life.
8. Jury duty has to be one of the most boring things I've ever encountered in my life, particularly when you get picked for the panel and spend 2 days listening to 4 people say the same thing over and over again.
9. I loathe meetings of any kind (work wise, meetings for coffee dates = totally acceptable).
10. A bird massacre occured in my living room (guess who the culprit of THAT one was).
11. I'm under attack from mosquito eaters in my house (yes, I mean THESE things!).
12. It's been hot the past couple of days and I find myself wanting to sit in a pool with a large adult beverage and forget my troubles for awhile.
13. I think the people who work at Michael's are beginning to know me by name.
14. Frabjous Friday is my absolute favorite thing.
the end.
my nose is in this book
