28.3.11

the sun might have been out, but the dark clouds still found me.

Some days, life is not your friend.

Some days you get served a giant double whammy of kick-me-in-the-crotch shittacularness from the universe.

It's safe to say that this kid has more than just your average case of the Mondays.

I had jury duty today and for the first time ever got picked for the jury. Awesome...or not. I curse Law and Order for making trials and legal proceedings seem riveting and exciting because I assure you, they are not. At least in my case.

And while on my lunch break from the lovely court activities I got wind of another grad school decision. There's one more big fat no in the books. Fanfuckingtastic. It's definitely an ego, morale, spirit, whatever you want to call it, blow. In fact it really fucking sucks. It's getting harder and harder to say that things will work out, or to keep trying to think positively.

I'm just getting tired. Tired of everything being so damn difficult all the time. Once, just once, it'd be nice to have something go my way without having to fight tooth and nail for it. That shit gets old. Fast. And as the rejections pour in, it makes me feel more and more insecure about where to go from here. It's like being on a dingy in the ocean without a sail and only one paddle. I'm getting nowhere fast and when I do move it's just in a circle. I realize there are other methods of getting where I eventually want to be, but I've already taken the scenic route to get where I am now and I'm tired of wasting time doing things that have absolutely no appeal to me.

So for now I wait. I wait for 2 more notifications. I wait to see if I'm going to get the jump on my career that I'm hoping for, or yet again have to scramble and figure out where to go from here. It's definitely a lonely and frightening place to be.

1 comments:

Megan Lauriana said...

Hey Hon... I'm so sorry for the jury duty AND for the answer you got. :( I can't even begin to image how you are feeling. Life sucks sometimes, but for every sucktastic thing that happens, a good thing will too. :) Love you!

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