the sun might have been out, but the dark clouds still found me.

Some days, life is not your friend.

Some days you get served a giant double whammy of kick-me-in-the-crotch shittacularness from the universe.

It's safe to say that this kid has more than just your average case of the Mondays.

I had jury duty today and for the first time ever got picked for the jury. Awesome...or not. I curse Law and Order for making trials and legal proceedings seem riveting and exciting because I assure you, they are not. At least in my case.

And while on my lunch break from the lovely court activities I got wind of another grad school decision. There's one more big fat no in the books. Fanfuckingtastic. It's definitely an ego, morale, spirit, whatever you want to call it, blow. In fact it really fucking sucks. It's getting harder and harder to say that things will work out, or to keep trying to think positively.

I'm just getting tired. Tired of everything being so damn difficult all the time. Once, just once, it'd be nice to have something go my way without having to fight tooth and nail for it. That shit gets old. Fast. And as the rejections pour in, it makes me feel more and more insecure about where to go from here. It's like being on a dingy in the ocean without a sail and only one paddle. I'm getting nowhere fast and when I do move it's just in a circle. I realize there are other methods of getting where I eventually want to be, but I've already taken the scenic route to get where I am now and I'm tired of wasting time doing things that have absolutely no appeal to me.

So for now I wait. I wait for 2 more notifications. I wait to see if I'm going to get the jump on my career that I'm hoping for, or yet again have to scramble and figure out where to go from here. It's definitely a lonely and frightening place to be.

it's come to light that i am nothing like a fine wine.

There is no way I've gotten better with age.  I think I'm more like the $2 boxed wine that has been long forgotten in the back of the fridge for about 6 months and once pulled out it's discovered that the liquid has taken on a congealed gelatinous form and smells like the bum you see sitting near the subway.

Being only in my mid-twenties, one would think that I would be full of energy, bounce back from everything and be rip-roaring-and-ready to go at any time. Well my friends, this is incredibly not the case. I'm pretty sure my foot still hurts from falling a week ago (yes, I know, you're terribly surprised that I fell). I'm also sure that on nights when I consume far too much alcohol, I can no longer bounce back the next day by popping some Ibuprofen with a gallon of water followed by a greasy meal and sugary soda. Instead, the Ibuprofen and water and accompanied by saltines and 2 days on the couch nursing my poor injured liver and head.

Gone are the days of all nighter's and subsisting on a diet consisting of Mountain Dew, Cool Ranch Doritos and some form of sour gummy anything. Now I look at a diet soda for a a millisecond and BAM, another few pounds find their way to my gut and when I make it to bed late, only allowing for a few hours of rest, not only do I have to consume several forms of caffeine throughout the day but you better damn well believe there is no way I am 1. going to the gym 2. cleaning house 3. running any errands or 4. doing anything other than going straight home after work, putting on my pajama's, taking off my bra and laying my ass on the couch.

How did this happen and for the love of all that is good and holy how do I make it STOP!? Those of you with spouses and kids, man, I can't even imagine.

So, it's a safe bet to assume that while I had a fantastic time last night hanging out and catching up with the wonderful Lindsey and Brian, and marveling at how big their daughter has gotten, I didn't crawl into bed until after 11, which meant my 5 am wake-up gym call? was replaced by a big fat snooze til 6:30 and while I should have gone to the gym, my aching body is still recovering from it's tumble and my liver from the Lambic I drank on Tuesday.

If you need me later, you'll most likely find me passed out on my couch in my PJ's, preparing for the visit of the ever fab Mel from London! But be forewarned if you pop in unawares, I make no promises to be wearing real pants.

None at all.

at least i'm owning up to it, eh?

I told lies.

I fully intended to prepare this post complete with some lovely photos and splashes of vacation awesomeness and yet.... it didn't happen.

Instead I went grocery shopping, did my laundry, and only got as far as uploading the photos from my camera before I passed out last night. I did manage to get up and go to the gym this morning but after a 2 weeks hiatus I looked much more like a lumbering hippo on the treadmill than the half-wit runner that I am and didn't last quite as long as I could have before returning home to get ready for work.

So, yet again I'm kind of a grumpy-gus today, even after a cup of coffee this morning, but maybe the day will turn around?

In hope's for that I bring you this image, supplied by the ever amazing Nads back in 2003 I think, and to this day it makes me laugh until I wee a little tiny bit.

rawr.

Aren't you supposed to return from vacation refreshed! rejuvenated! and ready to go?

Apparently my body and mind missed that memo because I am in a francrappingtactalistically shitty mood.

I am exhausted since my flight got in late, and then when I got home I had to pay a week's worth of missed attention to the little furry prince, who then deemed it necessary when I had finally unpacked and was able to curl up in bed around midnight or later, to wake me up about every hour or so. Just to make sure I knew he knew I was there I guess.

Then there's the fact that right before vacation I received my first grad school rejection email. And then mid-way through vacation got my second one, so things are NOT looking good. Three more to go and I feel like vomiting. Profusely.

So of course flying home meant a return to all these lovely bits of reality and lip chewing circumstances when I'd rather be back on vacation watching cougar town and drinking wine.

Tomorrow I shall attempt to perk up and post some vacation photos. For now, it's grocery store and laundry time. Balls.