Sometimes enough isn't enough and all you want to do is punch life in the nuts.

On a night when I should be ecstatic because I'm done with finals and free for a month AND I've knocked out another semester leaving only 2 left, I find myself falling extremely short of excitement.

During what should be a most joyous time of the year, my favorite time in fact, my family is faced yet again with another hardship and one that I'm not at all prepared to face. Despite having dealt with the suicide of a father, the loss of a best friend in a car crash, the drowning of a 3 year old nephew and on and on, I can't seem to get a grasp on a 3 year old with cancer. It just seems unjustly cruel and impossible. A week ago my little cousin was just a regular boy, feeling a little under the weather. Then he was a little boy with a brain tumor. And now he's a kid who's life could be cut short by an aggressive form of cancer. This simply does not compute in my mind. I know that my family is strong and will face this tragedy one day at a time, one foot in front of the other but it doesn't stop me from wanting to weep out of sadness for a little life possibly being cut short. Or stop me from aching with sympathy and compassion for what my cousins, his parents, must be going through. In a time like this, words seem to fail and can't do anything justice.

After everything I've seen and experienced this, right here, is why in the words of Layfayette from True Blood, Jesus and I have agreed to see other people. I have a hard time putting my faith in a God that allows a family like mine to continually undergo tragedy after tragedy. At some point enough has fucking got to be enough. For my little cousins sake, I won't let my shaky faith affect him though. I've said my prayers and forwarded the word on to those who are better equipped to pray for this kind of thing. I'm afraid I just won't be able to do it with the full heart and mind it deserves and needs. So for those I've emailed, thank you for your love and prayers, I know my family appreciates it. And for those that I haven't and are just reading this, please keep this little guy in your prayers. He's a great kid who deserves to get to lead a full life.

In light of all that has happened in the past week, I find it ridiculous to bitch about things like finals and lack of sleep but in all honesty, I guess these would be the little mountains of hardship that I face everyday... so I'll continue to bitch. But here's to hoping for a Christmas miracle for one little dude who totally deserves it.


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