bloody brilliant and funny bitches all in one box of awesome.

If you've ever encountered someone who is a moron?

You should read this.

If you've ever wanted to nut punch someone for being a douche-kaaaabob?

You should read this.

And if you think you're the person that either of these questions pertain to?

You need to commit this shit to memory.

I take absolutely no credit for this awesomeness, but am giving a huge shout out to Noa, because this is the most brilliant and amazing thing I have read in months. She deserves a damn Pulitzer.

In other news, I'd like to just say that I'm so over selling my worldly possessions on craigslist. People are generally so dense they don't understand that regular Joe's work from 8-5 (what? crazy.) So no you cannot come by my house at 11 in the morning. And also? It is not ok to call or text me at mothereffing 11 at night or 6 in the morning. I don't care if I'm awake, it's just plain rude you asshat. And yet I must persevere because I need to get rid of this stuff and I need the money for the move (damn expensive cross country moves).

But it is not my fault if I have to have a few beers before contacting these people back and my texts make no sense.