Aren't pimps supposed to get paid? I think I'm being ripped off here.

Everyone and their mom (including mine actually!) has been asking me what I plan to do after my 2-years-late-final-graduation accomplishment. My standard reply is "Graduate School" to which of course people want to know where and don't seem satisfied when I answer "Anywhere that I get in." Apparently that's poor future planning.

So, to quelch all these questions at once, this has been my graduate school process so far. Of course, for these activities you must picture me as stressed, over caffienated and slightly crazed from lack of sleep.


1. Take horrible tests that make you feel dumb.
2. Repeat tests because you suck.
3. Decide on schools to apply to.
4. Change your mind.
5. Realize no one at these schools has research in your field.
6. Change schools again.
7. Email a couple professors and realize that you want to change your schools again.
8. Curse yourself.
9. Spend hours reading faculty profiles on websites.
10. Finally locate a sparse few crumbs of hope that someone will take on your research.
11. Pimp yourself out with hundreds of emails to more universities than imaginable.
12. Have a panic attack everytime your email notifier goes off.
13. Get depressed when it's an email from Borders and not a professor.
14. Get depressed when it IS from a professor because you feel the sting of rejection as they say no.
15. Wait.

That about sums it all up. I have sent out almost 20 emails to 20 professors hoping that at least one of them will be willing to take on someone like me (aka: with little research or exotic experience but a lot of gumption!). And to save you from asking "What universities?" Here they are in no particular order (read: the first two I would shat myself if they let me in):

1. CSU Humboldt
2. Texas A&M
3. Washington State
4. Mississippi State
5. Montana State
6. UC Davis
7. University of Tennessee
8. University of Wisconsin-Madison

Yes, I realize most of them are in places where it gets unbelievably cold or snowy or humid and that sucks, but I'll go where the research is available. I also realize they're all far away from California except for 3, which sucks, considering come this spring I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE! (Pretty much the most exciting news of my life) Which means I'll be far away from my little Bean, which is sad and guilt riddling but I have to do what I have to do and I'm a damn good care package sender :) Thank god for skype!

In other news, do you remember that half-marathon at Disney Land that I was torturing myself with? Well here's a photo to prove I actually DID finish it.

Kind of amazing.
Now, excuse me while I go continue to over caffinate so that I can be even jumpier when my email dings at me.

Pretty much the best email I've ever recieved.

That's right playas, I'm finally graduating. Who'da thunk it possible? There must be a cold front moving through hell, because I'm pretty sure I never thought I'd see this day come.

What does this mean for me? It means I retook the GRE and am now about waist deep in graduate school applications (or trying to figure them out that is). Once those are done, there's nothing to do but finish my semester of slaughtering things and sitting around twiddling my thumbs while drowning my anxiety in wine and icecream (probably not together, but I make no promises...desperate times my friends, desperate times) until I find out who rejects me and who accepts me.

I think I might frame this screen capture, that's how happy it makes me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go curl up in the fetal position so I can mentally prepare myself for the emotional trauma of slaughtering some cows tomorrow....

Today's color is: Red.

Red.

It's the color of the numbers flashing on the clock telling me I'm already 15 mintues late leaving the house in the morning.

It's the color of the fucking stoplight that made me sit for over 5 minutes because it refused to let my side turn green but taunted me by turning the other 3 sides of the intersection green. Three times. Count them. 1. 2. 3.

It's the color of my vision as I was stuck in the worst traffic ever trying to get to fresno on time.

It's the color of the mark that was on my face from nearly falling asleep in class because I didn't have time to get coffee this morning.

It's the color of my skin as I baked in my car for almost an hour waiting for my prof to show up to the second half of our lab today.

It's the color of my impatience as I waited 10 minutes to get $20 out of the ATM because of the two turtles in front of me taking their sweet ass time.

Red. I used to like you, but now I fear you're just another tool the universe is using to put my brain in a vice grip and squeeeeeeeze. Forever more you will be equated with blood and pain.

Needless to say, it's been a shittacular day. Add that in with my excursions on Sunday and my discovery yesterday, and we're chalking it up to a bad week here folks. I know, a month of no posting and you get this? Well tune in later and I'll tell you all about how I think I'm becoming a giant magnet that kills all things remotely electronic within a mile radius of me.

But, you'll all be happy to know, that the mysterious horn honking is back. In the past couple of weeks I've managed to scare the shit out of myself by honking my own horn more than a half dozen times. The culprit? Usually my backpack. But one unlucky time, it was my forehead as I reached back down into my car for something. Yes, yes I AM that dumb. Feel free to laugh.

Just send caffeine and xanex.

No, not dead, not yet anyways.

I haven't written anything in awhile because I haven't had anything to say that wouldn't have been all gloom and doom. I've been a giant hairball of stress, irritation and crankiness lately and it's taken all of my effort not to take it out on those around me. So, I'm sorry if you've fallen victim to the shit storm of these past few weeks, cause it's not y'alls fault.

But the storm still rages.

So I still have nothing witty, funny or mildly entertaining to say.

Until I do, just check out the baby zombie.

Balltastic.

So what do you do when you have a kind of cruddy Monday at work because well, it's Monday, you're tired and you've got a ton of stuff to do and your feeling a wee bit stressed?

Well I don't know about you but I took it out on my backyard. I pulled a few weeds, I raked a bunch of leaves (yes leaves, yes it's summer not fall, I don't understand it either you'd have to ask that fecking tree in my backyard that drops leaves ALL YEAR LONG) and, I tackled trimming back two small trees back there that were kind of taking over. I couldn't walk past them to the rest of the patio without ducking. Here is where I had a tiny problem though. Even though I wanted to take out my aggression on said trees, I don't per say own proper tree trimming equipment. The big squeezy trimmer thing, would have been helpful, a chain saw would have been most excellent (though let's face it, no one is letting me wield a chain saw on my own considering I can't even close my car door without maiming myself). But alas, I had none of these. So what do you do when you have two trees getting smart with themselves and taking over your backyard but nothing to trim them with? You grab a heavy duty pair of old scissors and show those bitches who is boss, THAT'S what. I know, scissors right? Geez Anna, way to be ghetto. But these aren't giant trees and scissors cut through most branches. Let me tell you, they are 100% better than before. Now someone who possess the right equipment (including a ladder) please come to my house and finish the job because they're still out of control way up high. :)

After attacking my backyard with a vengeance, I went to a softball game. And then watched a movie. And of course, me being me, towards the end of said movie I managed to knock over an entire glass of water....that was full...and it was a 32 oz. glass. Awesome. I really don't understand why my brain and my limbs cannot communicate with one another. Seriously body? The deuce.

What does any of this have to do with balls? Absolutely nothing. But it is fun to say.

The universe has spoken

And unless they invent a full body bubble suit, I will not be learning to ride a bike soon.

Yesterday I ran into my car door with my knee, and the pain was instant. Now? There is about a golf ball sized purple bruised slight goose egg looking monstrosity on my knee. Awesome.

Way to be subtle universe.

To ride or not to ride, that IS the question. No really, it is.

In the past week I've had two completely different conversations with two different people and both of them? circled around to bike riding. And to the ever pressing question I then ask myself "why don't you learn to ride a bike like every other normal functioning adult?". And then I answer myself "because i'm a big fat weiner who hates to admit but she's afraid of those two wheeled BEASTS!". Considering I've asked myself this twice this week oddly enough, it's safe to say it's a topic up for debate. I really should learn to ride a bike, I mean, it's a pretty basic skill right? Of course there's the whole problem of me being one of the most uncoordinated people on the planet (and if you disagree I have a story from Dublin that will change your mind, believe me...) and the other slight problem of me not owning a bike. Food for thought, or more like wheels for thought? Pain for thought? Hurt pride for thought? I don't know, I should be thinking about something but now I've gotten completely distracted and OH SHINY....

I also finally saw Eclipse in the past week. My thoughts? Cheesy still, definitely, but I feel like each movie they do a better and better job of making the movie less painful to watch. I was a bit skeptical considering of the 4 books, this one is my favorite, so I was afraid they'd slaughter it. But they did an alright job and I didn't leave cringing at having to admit that I saw it..in the theatre.

Why does it have to be hot as balls outside? Granted it's cooler than it was a couple days ago. A mere 101 instead of 105 or whatever the blasted hell it was. But seriously. It makes me NOT want to do anything. I am physically incapable of functioning when it is above 95. I should go to the gym, but the thought of getting hot and sweaty when I'm already hot and sweaty, makes me gag a little. And then I think I should go swimming! But I don't have the energy to squeeze my large behind (from not going to the gym) into my bathing suit and sloughing myself over to scam on the sister's pool. All I can muster the energy for is changing into clothes that are akin to underwear and flopping myself on a couch under the air vent with a fan on me. I commend people who do not have airconditioning because I have discovered that I? am a prima donna who needs her fecking A/C! So bravo all you brave souls, my wallet weeps for your bravery as it shells out money to pay for my refrigerated air.

Because of the heat and my longing to dig my toes in the sand, I am desperately craving a trip to the beach. It might happen on Saturday. A quick trip over to soak up some cool ocean breeze, in the sun, in the sand, with a book. *sigh* For now, I'll have to settle for munching on ice and sitting around in my chonies.